heart1e55m00mba: (River - counting the intervals)
And by New Years I mean calendar and Chinese. Like usual it's been a while since I last posted, though I guess not as bad as usual. First semester went pretty well, certainly better than some of my quarters at UCSC, but SJSU's program isn't nearly as intense. Started Spring semester today. Classes are kind of meh so far. Review in Japanese. This sensei is more formal than the previous one, which is a little sad because I liked learning conversational Japanese. My numerical analysis class looks like it'll be interesting. Not quite sure about object-oriented design. I'm interested in the topic, but it's after a 6 hour break so I might feel inclined-- to attend. Tomorrow is algorithms and I'm looking forward to that so we'll see how it goes.

Spent a month at home for winter break. It was awesome. I was a little sad to be away from my butthead cat and Nick, but it worked out okay. I don't think Jake ever wants me to leave again though, lol. Spent a bunch of time at home hanging out with the cats. Helped my parents out with some chores. Hung out and ate tons of noms with Jaimie and Hideo. Got Nick caught up on Dollhouse and Firefly; we'll probably watch V or TSCC next. I also applied to a bunch of internships, got a couple of call backs this week so we'll see what happens.

Finished getting all of my motorcycle gear before I left for break, but didn't get the chance to go riding until I got back. Nick and I just took a short ride from his place to mine to go feed the cat, but it was hella fun. That's right, hella. We're hoping to go for a longer ride this weekend before the semester really starts up and I get swamped with work.

Speaking of, I mainly have morning classes so I should be getting to bed.
heart1e55m00mba: (River - counting the intervals)
First semester of grad school is this close to being done. I have one week of hell and then finals and I'm finished. It's been going pretty well. I haven't been doing as well in my crypto class as I had hoped, but all the other classes are going great. This is partially due to the fact that I've been putting genuine effort into my studies and partially that SJSU students are kind of DUMB.

Thanksgiving weekend is almost over, but it's been really nice. Wednesday, I threw a Thanksgiving dinner at Nick's with all of our friends. Cooked up a stuffed chicken and a stuffed duck. I would love to say that they were stuffed in one another but sadly I'm not that 1337 and didn't have time to do that. The chicken was tasty noms; perfectly done and uber moist. The duck a little less so; guess I'll be getting my duck from the roast duck shop instead of making it. Stuffing tasted awesome. Same goes for the yams and green beans. Becky amazingly remembered all the ingredients to the pumpkin crunch so that turned out pretty well. She also brought a ham that no one touched sadly. It's chilling in my fridge. I used it for grilled cheese and ham yesterday. Also thinking about cutting some of it up for some tasty mac 'n cheese. :D

Went up to SF on Thursday to have Thanksgiving dinner with Nick's sister, her fiancé, fiancé's mom, and Nick's mom. Food was pretty good. I was most surprised by the sausage stuffed turkey breast the sister made. It was actually pretty moist and tasty. Nick's mom made a really good poppyseed cake, and the fiancé's mom made onolicious mashed potatoes. His family is really nice and friendly, so I wasn't an incredibly awkward panda all night.

Lazed around yesterday, played some Ookami, and then started to marathon Simoun. HOLY CRAP. I forgot how FUCKING AWESOME that anime is. I would say it's on par with Mai HiME for my favorite anime. I love anime that completely fucks with its characters. Loss of innocence and crises of faith themes FTMFW. There's also an amazing amount of character growth and development for such a large cast. The ending is a little meh, but it's a lot better than Mai HiME's cop out. There's one part that is still blowing my mind. I can't believe I forgot about such ZOMGHOLYSHITDIDTHATJUSTHAPPEN epicness. I totally want to watch it again. Maybe I can rope Jake into watching with me.

Also, bought myself a pair of riding gloves and a motorcycle jacket. Am 25% closer to riding a motorcycle.
heart1e55m00mba: (Default)
So grad school has kept me way busy. Mostly because I have weekly hw for my crypto class that takes a ridiculously long time, which takes up most of my time during the week. The weekends are generally spent working on projects for my UI class and unwinding. The thing is that the work isn't that hard, okay no, some of the crypto questions are hard but the rest is easy stuff, it's just way time consuming. Also, SJSU students, on a whole, my tech writing group in particular, are INCREDIBLY DUMB/LAZY. What the FUCK. Professor Long really had a point when he said that outsourced software is significantly subpar to American made software. [/racism]

Outside of school I've been going back to kempo, which is all kinds of awesome. I really missed it while I was in SF, so I'm happy I can get back into it, just kind of sucks that I have hw due Thursday so I rarely make it to Wednesday practices. I've also been checking out some of the food places in SJ. It makes me a little sad that I'm not in SF every time I get a sushi craving because as Jake's Japanese friend Ryo says, "sushi in SJ is sucks." What tasty nomz I haven't been finding in restaurants I've been making. The Mountain View farmers market is pretty awesome. It's like a mix between the Saratoga and San Mateo markets so I'm all kinds of happy.

I'm also 2% closer to getting a motorcycle (shhh don't tell my parents). Okay not really, but I've started saving up for gear because Nick has one and he wants to give me rides. I'm getting a helmet pretty soon, but the jacket probably won't come until after I get my xmas and bday moneys. Ah the life of a poor college student.

I watch too much TV )
heart1e55m00mba: (River - counting the intervals)
This weekend has been kind of amazing in a really tiring way. First off, and the main reason behind the amazing and tiring, I attended a motorcycle class that basically means I don't need to do the whole "behind the wheel" thing at the DMV, which is good because I don't have a bike yet (and quite possibly won't for some time, sad panda lacking funds) and need the whole motorcycle license to get my CA driver's license since I applied for the CA driver's license and got a motorcycle permit at the same time. Yes, it's dumb that they won't give me my real CA driver's license until I get the motorcycle one, especially since the driver's license expires WAY before the motorcycle permit. I'm guessing it's because it's CA and they don't want to waste "precious resources" by giving me two pieces of plastic only to have one be useless after a few months. Though I guess I shouldn't complain because this got me off my ass and onto a motorcycle, which was fun and exciting and a little bit scary at first. Of course, it also meant that today and yesterday I was up at 5:15am. Ugh, yes, you read that right, AM as in morning, as in the sun wasn't up when I left my house. Plus side of this was driving 17->880->101 with little to no other cars on the road. That rocked hardcore.

Anyways, passed the course, so I can get my license once they send me the paperwork, which should be in about 10 days. Of course, since I was kind of excited about this I told my parents, who were never thrilled about me wanting to ride a motorcycle in the first place, so they naturally disapprove. I have no idea why I thought it would be a good idea to tell them; I was well aware they don't really want me to do this, but then again they didn't really want me to get a tattoo and they seemed to be okay with that when I asked them what they thought. Then again, there's a much smaller chance of dying by tattoo than by motorcycle related accident. What really bugs me is not so much their disapproval so much as how they tried to talk me out of it, specifically when my mother was like, "you didn't want a subaru forester because of the birkenstock-lesbian stereotype, what do you think a girl on a bike is? dykes on bikes isn't that what they call it?" I wanted to hang up right there I was so offended and pissed off. I mean yes they exist and are part of the gay pride parade, but really? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't even think that stereotype works.

In other news I spent most of yesterday and the day before updating Ubuntu on my comp, which sucked more than it did last time. Basically when I tried to do the update normally it cocked up pretty bad and had to boot up in Windoze get the .iso and reinstall it over my old linux partion. That took most of Friday night. Then when I came back to SC (the motorcycle class was in Santa Clara, and yes I realize it's a bit confusing to use SC and then say Santa Clara), I spent most of the day getting the new distro working with my comp and customizing and reconfiguring everything. Fun. Actually aside from the epic frustration Friday (which was more due to the fact that I had to get to sleep early because of the motorcycle class the next morning) it wasn't that bad. Kind of fun, lol, this is why I'm a CS major. /nerd

Saw State of Play on Friday. It was actually pretty good, but then again look at the cast: Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck, Helen Mirren, and Rachel McAdams. Hard to wrong with that. Story/plot was awesome. There were a couple of excellent shots involving backlighting, so the cinematography was pretty good. (And on the more shallow side, there was a great shot involving Rachel McAdams in a pencil skirt, guh.) The soundtrack was a little Batman at points, but I let it slide.

And even more exciting, right before the movie I saw Megatokyo Girl (really awesome girl from my Japanese class who's into Megatokyo and always complemented me on my shirts). Lol, the memories. Okay because this is kind of hilarious and shows how awesome she is: a bunch of us set up a study dinner thing over at one guy's apartment at Oakes, and since it was a Sunday the buses weren't really running so Megatokyo Girl offered to give me a ride. When she picked me up I had just finished showering because I had kempo practice right before and so when I got into her car she said, "You smell showerlicious." Srsly, how awesome is that?
heart1e55m00mba: (Default)
Remember what I said about local guys and girls being awesome? I think I may have found myself one. Lol.

That aside, break is going fantastic. There was an island wide power outage last night that took over 12 hours to fix. I guess it was some sort of lightning strike or something. Best part was that it happened during our big family dinner at Fook Yuen. At least we got most of our food before it happened. The only thing I wanted that we didn't get was the mince duck. But it was kind of fun. Our other holiday dinners occurred without incident, which really with this family is a small miracle, haha. Sad but true.

Brought in a decent amount of loot for xmas, most of it consisting of cookware and books. Ureshii.

Going out with friends tonight to Zippy's and then maybe clubbing (haha, when I go clubbing without Becky all the guys hit on me, it's kind of funny). Should be fun.
heart1e55m00mba: (Default)
So it turns out that this chick I was totally digging at the end of freshman year in college is gay. GODDAMNIT! She did aikido at UCSC and was a brown belt and was amazing at it. I totally thought she was dating Jay, the awesome black belt, but apparently she's gay. OMG her in glasses and pinstripe pants! Guh... HOTT! (That's right, two t's.) Grar, why does my gaydar for women suck?

*moar frustrated angry noises*
heart1e55m00mba: (Default)
Green Day - Ha ha, You're Dead )

Frank said I should email that to Crystal. LOL.

Random unrelated thought: Dude if Victoria's Secret has decent quality leather I want this SO BAD!

Moar randomness, I was sitting in OS today working on my project and half listening to Darrell's lecture when a sudden realization hit me: I kind of like like the guy in my OS and compilers class. Dude, I haven't felt like this in ages; it's weird. I guess we'll see how this plays out.

Dude, Kim, Becky and I found an awesome froyo place over in Scotts Valley (where Kim lives), yogizmo. Hooray for tasty nom noms that aren't over the hill. Also, we went to Rumble Fish, sushi place in Scotts Valley, which was pretty good. They were super nice too. We got an order of fresh oysters and one of them smelled bad, so they gave us two more plus three of their green mussels. Totally the place to go for sushi in the SC area.

And dude, three programming classes is totally bad for my brain. I'm all like !=, &&, #define, etc.

ETA
I think I may have found my new restaurant buddy in Kim. Apparently Becky mentioned Manresa to Kim (the whole concept including the price) and she seemed to be very interested. And then there's the fact that she's totally stoked to head up to SF and grab oysters from Zuni's and is basically willing to come up to SJ after kempo to go eat out with us on Saturdays. Sweet. Oh but dude, sad panda, she got contacts because she doesn't like wearing glasses. When she told me this I almost blurted out, "but you look amazing with glasses on!" Lol.
heart1e55m00mba: (Ed (Cowboy Bebop) - iHack)
I'm thinking I may have upset my ex with my "WDIHTDY" post (but really she was the one who thought the original article would "absolve her of her sins" as it were), which has me sitting here smirking and a half second away from lolz. Needless to say, I am amused.

WDIHTDY

Aug. 27th, 2008 07:23 pm
heart1e55m00mba: (Shizuru - Crash & Burn)
Original Article )

My boyfriend and I got together when we were 15. That's 15 years ago.

Fifteen year relationship and you're not married? If neither of you are opposed to the idea of marriage, there's something wrong.

I have never slept with another man, and I don't want to.

This sentence is fine if it's meant in a "he's The One" type of way, which is a ridiculous and purely romantic idea. But then you add in the next sentence:

But I no longer want to have sex with him, and I've been having sex with women behind his back.

First off, when you stopped wanting to have sex with the guy, you probably should have stopped the relationship. Secondly, when you start having sex with other people outside of your committed relationship, that's generally a big flashing neon sign to end the relationship. This person was either in denial for a very long time or is just DUMB.

I have long been attracted to women and suspect that I would be in a relationship with one now if my life had taken a different path.

The question here is how long has she known this? And this coupled with not wanting to have sex with her current boyfriend or any other male in general leads me to believe that she isn't interested or attracted to men at all. Of course love and attraction can be fickle and change and evolve over time. It's just what happens as you grow and experience different things. But for this woman to look back at this time span and go "nope, i was never actually attracted to him, or men in general" that should not take years to figure out. It shouldn't take more than a few months to figure out. Once all those "can't eat, can't sleep, I'm so in love/lust with you" hormones stop running through your brain, you should be able to sit yourself down and ask yourself the crucial question, "do I really want this?" If the answer is "I guess maybe" you should end the relationship. People shouldn't start relationships with people that they feel "meh" about, especially if it's clear that the other person is more invested in the endeavor. This is of course assuming that you can indeed go through a honeymoon phase with someone you're supposedly not attracted to.

not to be lied to for the rest of his life

Okay, I understand lied to the rest of your life > lied to for however long, and I'm sure the girl already feels guilty about the lying for however many years and cheating on him. But I'm kind of surprised that this is the only mention of lying, given that from the boyfriend's PoV this is a pretty big deal. I mean, he was in a serious relationship with a person for a good long while so a certain amount of trust had to have been placed with WDITHDC. And then to find out that, whoops, you really shouldn't have trusted the person in the first place because she's been lying to you; it's kind of harsh on the boyfriend to say the least. The poor bastard was probably blindsided; if he noticed there were any problems he probably thought it was a standard rough patch because it certainly doesn't sound like she ever mentioned any of this to him. There was no, "and I sat him down to talk about my attraction to women..." in WDIHTDC's letter.

If you play your cards right, WDIHTDC, you may be able to keep your ex, his family, and your mutual friends in your life.

I'm glad that Dan mentioned how much gambling is involved with situations like these. To a certain extent the length of the relationship factors into your chances. If, for example, after two or three months of dating you realize that you're not interested in men/women, whichever applies to who you're dating, you have better odds of remaining friends with your ex. But after a certain point (I'd say six months to a year) you probably have a better chance winning big at the slots.

However for arguments sake, let's say the other person can get over the whole being lied to and used for however long. "Playing your cards right" in such a sensitive situation means paying attention to your diction. There are a few key words, like "experimentation", that you might want to stay away from. Mentioning it or, even worse, boiling the entire relationship down to "experimentation" will probably cancel out all the thanking and honoring you did regarding that person's service. If indeed you did thank and honor them in the first place.

I might also point out that the whole idea of "playing your cards right" implies that you're not entitled to anything, and anything you do get to keep will happen through luck and a lot of strategy. So basically, if your ex decides to hate you or thinks that a friend who uses them and says things like "I love you" while contemplating breaking their heart is not worth the effort, they have every right.

So tell me

Aug. 25th, 2008 02:43 pm
heart1e55m00mba: (Shizuru - Crash & Burn)
Since you're the one who so desperately wanted us to still be friends: Is abandoning someone when they need support the most a service you provide to all of your "friends", or was I just extra special?
heart1e55m00mba: (Shizuru - Crash & Burn)
You used me and lied to me for 14 months. I hope you realize how incredibly FUCKED UP that is.
heart1e55m00mba: (Shizuru - Crash & Burn)
You threw away a really good 14 month relationship because I don't have a penis. How does that make you feel?
heart1e55m00mba: (Shizuru/Natsuki - Textless Sunset)
But I think you've done a good enough job yourself. Fuck you for breaking my heart. And fuck you for not doing it earlier when I wouldn't be ALONE. And the icing on the cake is that this probably doesn't hurt you half as much as it does me.

Now I don't want to be here more than ever.




ETA
It is somewhat pathetically amusing how I always, always manage to fall for the "straight" girl.
heart1e55m00mba: (River - counting the intervals)
Crystal: yesterday at ryuta's house, we watched the movie event horizon
Crystal: reminded me of babylon 5
Me: clearly it's a sign for you to watch the rest of it
Crystal: mm
Crystal: it was kind of a crappy scifi movie
Crystal: reminded me of serenity too
Me: hey!
Me: serenity isn't a crappy movie!
Crystal: yeah
Me: yeah it is or yeah it isn't
Crystal: the latter I guess

If I weren't so attached to her, I'd have to dump her for that. Clearly the girl has yet to discover the awesomeness that is Summer Glau and Serenity. Also, I splurged and bought all five season of Babylon 5 from costco before I left for North Carolina. It's still in SC, so if anyone in the area is interested give Crystal a call to borrow them. It's a really awesome series that everyone should watch.
heart1e55m00mba: (Default)
So I'm sitting at work avoiding reading my last research paper and this thought just popped into my mind: I'm really glad I didn't go to Japan for this past school year.

In other news, North Carolina is going okay. It's hot, but not bad when there's a breeze. Kind of like Hawaii really. I've mostly settled in. The people are friendly. Different from the people back home. Everything is air conditioned, which is a lovely contrast from Santa Cruz and HI. Though of course everything needs to be air conditioned, which is a not so lovely contrast from SC and HI.

I believe that after ten weeks of this I will know that networking is probably not for me because these research papers are dull. Though I've heard that most of them are, but the ones posted for my OS class weren't nearly this bad.

Speaking of which, grades! Passed physics (duh), C in computational models (boo), D in OS (fuck). Basically, I'm on academic probation because I tried too hard to pass OS and didn't put enough effort into computational models (it was the homework that did me in). Oh well.

Next quarter I'm going to be taking graphics, graphics lab, OS (again...) and compilers. That should be fun. Forward slash wrists...
heart1e55m00mba: (River - counting the intervals)
I miss Crystal.

I don't want to be here.

I wish I got the internship in SC instead.
heart1e55m00mba: (Default)
After watching Atonement (a really depressing movie)

Me: You didn't want to watch movie?
Crystal: Not tonight.
Me: Because you wanted to read fic?
Crystal: Yep.

Because of her fic obsession I didn't have anyone to snuggle with. Poo. *sad panda face*
heart1e55m00mba: (Default)
No really she is, this is what she said today:

Crystal: I want to stay home and read fic.

*swoons* Haha. This is why I love her.
heart1e55m00mba: (Default)
ChibiMiyukiChan: you can be more than my personal chef and masseuse
x6black6rose6x: oh?
ChibiMiyukiChan: you can be my personal everything
ChibiMiyukiChan: ~.^
x6black6rose6x: oh baby oh baby

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